Day +4

Since my last post, I'm happy to report that it has been pretty uneventful! N has mentioned a few times how scared he was the other night, but aside from that his spirits seem to be ok and he is smiling and feeling better. We are now 4 days post transplant and 6 days post chemo. As expected, his counts are now plummeting and so as we enter the 7-10 days post chemo window, we are anticipating the side effects to begin surfacing if they do at all. Given that his appetite has gone down despite feeling ok, we are in discussion about putting a feeding tube in either today or tomorrow while he still feels good. If we wait beyond that, it would be much more painful to get the tube in if he has any sores so now is the time to get that thing in if we plan to do so. If we can get N on board with it, we are likely going to opt to put it in so that we won't have to worry so much about his nutrition.

Doctors are funny. On one hand, they say things like, "I want you to be realistically prepared for what is ahead." Another day they say, "You should focus on the now and take advantage of this time that he feels good. Do not worry about tomorrow." I incredulously laughed when he said that to me. "Do not worry," he said. But he gently reminded me that what is to come will come, so don't spend today worrying about that. I suppose he could see it in my face. The worry, the furrowed brows, the line of questioning of "when" and "what if." And so after the team of doctors left the room, his words did stay with me yesterday. I pray for mercy, I pray for deliverance not from but through our troubles, I pray for discerning wisdom, but most importantly I pray for His will to be done. So today, I will try my darn hardest to focus on the now.


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