God's perfect ways for an imperfect human like me
I'm happy to share that I'm feeling back to my good ole self again. Some notable things I have learned in getting myself back to this point:
1. exercise is key - This one was a game changer for me. I used to think of exercise as a necessary torture with the end goal being simply for achieving vain purposes to look a certain way. But that's not it at all. Exercise really is essential for clarity of mind, releasing stress and nervous energy. It helps me eat healthier and be healthier, it recharges me and sets my day up to be the kind of mom I want to be for my kids. And most importantly, it's a celebration of what our bodies can do. Every time I workout, I just think about how awesome it is that I feel well enough to be able to exercise and sweat and move around and jump! (See? I'm back to my annoying self.)
2. sleep is non-negotiable - If I don't shut off and sleep by a certain time, its game over.
3. eat - Eat when I'm hungry. Simple.
4. acceptance - Life is not always rainbows and unicorns. But so what? It is what it is and I accept that this is the path God has me walking for whatever reason I will never fully know in this lifetime. Which takes me to what I'd like to discuss today in Jane's Diary.
God is never late and God is never early. He is always right on time. I think from about March - June of this year, I would rank it up there as a Hall of Fame time period of difficulty for my life. I would never wish that kind of PTSD on anyone, but through it, I learned so much. The lens through which I understand people has completely changed. But most importantly, it's been a crucial key in understanding my very own son. I have now come to recognize through my own experiences that N is also experiencing PTSD in his own ways. Sometimes I sit and think about how utterly wrong it is that a 9 year old experiences anxiety chest pains from his fears of the worst in scenarios because life dealt him a serious slap in the face at just 6 years of age. And then the message he got was that yeah, it can get worse. That's the raw truth right there and I'd be lying if I said I still don't shed tears of anguish over that one. Cancer is about so much more than the healing of a sick body. The ripple effect it has certainly takes time for the calm to return.
But, God prepared me for this one a little bit. I am able to zero in on what is going on now because I felt the same way. I can talk him through his fears because I shared those same off the wall thoughts that the world would keep collapsing in on us. But it doesn't. Better days are always ahead, and the fears that sit on our chests are rooted in the past. Though my year was filled with pain for me, I was able to use that time to better help my little boy. And that's so important because he has a lot of life ahead of him, and so many days to be filled with hope and joy and positivity! Without going through what I did when I did, though, I'm not sure I would have ever picked up on the issue, because like I have mentioned before, I never knew our mental stress could manifest itself so physically. I just never knew. So though the past few months may hold greater purposes for me, for now, it served the absolute most important one to me, and that is to help keep my boy on a path of living life to the fullest because our tomorrows are a gift, to be a blessing because he was blessed, and to find joy in our days so that we can be a source of joy. Life isn't always the best, I know, but at just 9 years old, my hope is that he would not stop seeing the rainbows and unicorns for a good while.
1. exercise is key - This one was a game changer for me. I used to think of exercise as a necessary torture with the end goal being simply for achieving vain purposes to look a certain way. But that's not it at all. Exercise really is essential for clarity of mind, releasing stress and nervous energy. It helps me eat healthier and be healthier, it recharges me and sets my day up to be the kind of mom I want to be for my kids. And most importantly, it's a celebration of what our bodies can do. Every time I workout, I just think about how awesome it is that I feel well enough to be able to exercise and sweat and move around and jump! (See? I'm back to my annoying self.)
2. sleep is non-negotiable - If I don't shut off and sleep by a certain time, its game over.
3. eat - Eat when I'm hungry. Simple.
4. acceptance - Life is not always rainbows and unicorns. But so what? It is what it is and I accept that this is the path God has me walking for whatever reason I will never fully know in this lifetime. Which takes me to what I'd like to discuss today in Jane's Diary.
God is never late and God is never early. He is always right on time. I think from about March - June of this year, I would rank it up there as a Hall of Fame time period of difficulty for my life. I would never wish that kind of PTSD on anyone, but through it, I learned so much. The lens through which I understand people has completely changed. But most importantly, it's been a crucial key in understanding my very own son. I have now come to recognize through my own experiences that N is also experiencing PTSD in his own ways. Sometimes I sit and think about how utterly wrong it is that a 9 year old experiences anxiety chest pains from his fears of the worst in scenarios because life dealt him a serious slap in the face at just 6 years of age. And then the message he got was that yeah, it can get worse. That's the raw truth right there and I'd be lying if I said I still don't shed tears of anguish over that one. Cancer is about so much more than the healing of a sick body. The ripple effect it has certainly takes time for the calm to return.
But, God prepared me for this one a little bit. I am able to zero in on what is going on now because I felt the same way. I can talk him through his fears because I shared those same off the wall thoughts that the world would keep collapsing in on us. But it doesn't. Better days are always ahead, and the fears that sit on our chests are rooted in the past. Though my year was filled with pain for me, I was able to use that time to better help my little boy. And that's so important because he has a lot of life ahead of him, and so many days to be filled with hope and joy and positivity! Without going through what I did when I did, though, I'm not sure I would have ever picked up on the issue, because like I have mentioned before, I never knew our mental stress could manifest itself so physically. I just never knew. So though the past few months may hold greater purposes for me, for now, it served the absolute most important one to me, and that is to help keep my boy on a path of living life to the fullest because our tomorrows are a gift, to be a blessing because he was blessed, and to find joy in our days so that we can be a source of joy. Life isn't always the best, I know, but at just 9 years old, my hope is that he would not stop seeing the rainbows and unicorns for a good while.
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