Day +11

N has continued on his miraculous path of healing. He got a small mouth sore on the side of his cheek, but at this point into the transplant, I think we can take a sigh of relief. His blood count is still pretty obsolete, but we hope to see that going up fairly soon. This morning we found that his platelet count is low, so we had to transfuse him this afternoon with some extra platelets. This was expected to happen at some point because his platelets are just about the last thing to kick in since he has no bone marrow at this point. His body reacted with some very itchy hives, but these are really minor things in the grand process. He's still doing well, and I can still hear the nurses whispering after we round the corner that they can't believe he is looking like THAT this far into transplant.

We are a little less than halfway through our stay at the hospital I believe. I can feel myself hitting a wall though because physically, emotionally, and mentally--- I will not lie--- I am exhausted. Sleep is a factor, but I think it's more tiring to go through a day with such heaviness so deep in our hearts. I'm not used to feeling this way but this gives me a window into so many out there who may go through life feeling like this constantly, whether it be because of circumstances or loss. It's tiring! When I'm at the hospital, my mind is on the little brothers, longing to snuggle them and witness their funny daily antics.  When I'm home with the little brothers, my mind is on my oldest in the hospital wondering, "Is he ok?" Either way, I'm missing someone terribly. It's indeed true that as a parent, your mind is always on the one missing from the table.

We never can anticipate what a new day will bring, but that big question mark always brings with it a renewed feeling of hope. So deep breaths, a little bit of sleep, and I'll be ready to go in the morning.







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