Getting Forged In Fire

As I mentioned in a previous post, ever since we found out that this transplant would be a part of his treatment plan, it has been a constant work in progress for me in grappling with what is to come. Through countless prayers, though, I thought that I had finally reached a place of acceptance, of peace and of gratitude for this opportunity of healing. While my gratitude has not wavered, I found out today that perhaps my peace with it isn't quite there yet.

The doctor walked into our room at clinic today and to my surprise, he handed me a sheet of paper with the transplant schedule listed on it. Just like that. Boom. Right into my hands. As I stared at the date reading "October 18," my chest tightened, my heart dropped and I was immediately paralyzed with fear again. Panic set in because now that an official date has been set in motion, it just got real. The transplant nurse came in next and as she was explaining to me in detail what all needs to be done prior to this date, and what those initial critical 2 weeks would look like, her voice sort of droned in and out as I was trying to come to terms with raw reality here. Before now, it was like we were just talking about it. Now, I know we are one step closer to living it. 

So on October 18, we get admitted and begin 4 straight days of high dosage chemo. We rest his body for 1 day and then... October 23 is D-day. Transplant day, day 0, rebirth. On this day, we will wheel in 2 of the most important and treasured human beings in my life and leave them at the mercy of God's will. For my youngest, it will be a minor procedure under anesthesia, and he is expected to return home the same day. For my oldest, it's when his fight really begins. It's like a tag team between the brothers. As our youngest gives him the gift of healthy bone marrow cells and a lifetime of what we hope will be a stronger and healthier immune system, our oldest takes the baton and starts his long marathon to recovery. 

The boys love this one show on the History channel called Forged In Fire. They have watched every episode and I have caught them numerous times impersonating the judges on that show. Stories on that another day! That show taught me a lot about forging weapons. I learned that forging a blade means submersing it into extreme heat and then pounding it into its desired shape, repurposed and strengthened for a very specific objective. The way I see it, my oldest is about to walk into the depths of a burning fire. A time of extreme heat so that when he is removed from it, he will find that he has been given new shape, new perspective, and newfound strength...handpicked for an exact purpose. 


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